22. Dealing with an Employee You Just Don’t Like
How to manage personal biases while maintaining professionalism.
Imagine this - You’re managing a team, and for the most part, things run smoothly. But there’s one employee who you just don’t click with. They’re competent, they do their work well, and they don’t cause any major issues—but for some reason, you struggle to warm up to them.
Maybe it’s their communication style, their sense of humour, or something intangible that just doesn’t sit right with you. They haven’t done anything wrong, but when you interact with them, you find yourself feeling irritated or distant.
The challenge? As a leader, your personal feelings cannot influence how you treat employees. Whether you consciously realise it or not, your discomfort may -
Affect how you assign projects, give feedback, or acknowledge their contributions.
Create subtle bias in decision-making, making them feel excluded or undervalued.
Damage team cohesion if other employees notice the uneven dynamic.
HR psychology confirms that managers are human, and personal preferences naturally influence relationships. However, professionalism requires overcoming personal bias to ensure fair, effective leadership.
The Solution – Managing Personal Bias While Maintaining Professionalism
The key to handling this quiet but potentially harmful issue is self-awareness, emotional intelligence, and structured leadership strategies. Here’s how to manage your personal bias while maintaining fairness and professionalism.
1. Acknowledge the Feeling Without Acting on It
The first step in addressing bias is recognising it exists. Many leaders try to ignore or suppress their dislike, but HR research suggests that unconscious biases are more dangerous when left unchecked.
Ask yourself -
What exactly bothers me about this person? (Is it their communication style? Their personality? Their work approach?)
Is this feeling based on facts or assumptions?
Would I feel the same way if someone else acted the same way?
Simply recognising the bias helps prevent it from influencing leadership decisions.
2. Separate Personal Feelings from Professional Judgments
To ensure fair treatment, evaluate the employee based on work-related factors only.
Would I give the same feedback to someone I like?
Am I unintentionally excluding them from opportunities?
Are my expectations for them different from others?
If their performance is solid, but your dislike remains, the issue is personal—not professional. That’s your responsibility to manage, not theirs.
3. Find Common Ground Through Strategic Engagement
HR psychology tells us that dislike often stems from unfamiliarity or misaligned communication styles. The solution? Intentional, neutral interactions.
Strategies to build rapport -
Identify shared interests – Pay attention to their strengths, hobbies, or achievements.
Change the setting – Casual, non-work-related interactions (team lunches, offsite meetings) can shift dynamics.
Ask for their input – Giving them a voice in decisions may increase mutual respect.
You don’t have to be friends—but finding professional common ground can neutralise dislike.
4. Maintain Consistency in Feedback and Opportunities
Even subtle bias can lead to -
Less recognition for their achievements.
Harsher criticism than other employees receive.
Exclusion from key projects or decision-making.
To prevent this, follow structured leadership principles -
Use written performance evaluations to ensure objective assessments.
Be mindful of who you acknowledge in meetings.
Check your delegation patterns—are you unconsciously giving them less responsibility?
Treating them with professional fairness, regardless of personal preference, ensures they are judged on merit, not emotion.
5. Consider Whether the Issue is Actually Yours to Fix
Sometimes, our discomfort with others is a reflection of our own biases, assumptions, or leadership blind spots.
Ask yourself -
Do they remind me of someone I’ve had past conflicts with?
Am I projecting my own stress or frustration onto them?
Am I uncomfortable with their approach simply because it’s different from mine?
HR psychology suggests that self-awareness and emotional intelligence help leaders separate personal preferences from professional decisions.
Reflective Scenario – What Would You Do?
You realise that a team member doesn’t sit well with you, but they’ve done nothing wrong. You’re concerned that your personal feelings might be influencing your leadership.
Using the strategies above, you might -
Acknowledge the feeling privately, without letting it dictate actions.
Engage with them in neutral, professional ways to build understanding.
Ensure fairness in feedback, delegation, and recognition.
By managing bias rather than acting on it, you ensure that leadership remains professional and ethical.
Golden Nugget - "You don’t have to like every team member—but as a leader, you do have to treat them with fairness and respect."
By practicing self-awareness, professional objectivity, and intentional engagement, SME leaders can manage personal biases while maintaining strong, effective leadership.