Rethinking communication - words fail me.
I’m damned annoyed actually. Who with? Me. I’ve been reflecting on the significance of non-verbal communication.
It has been said that there’s lies, damned lies and statistics but if this is only slightly true, I’ve got a lot of work to do.
OK, so here’s the statistic. I can only hope it is worse than lies and damned lies but I fear it’s got the ring of truth about it.
- 7% of our communication is words
- 38% is tone of voice
- 55% is body language
At first, this seems counterintuitive. After all, as a species, we’ve spent millennia perfecting spoken language and I’ve worked for slightly less time on having a good vocabulary and clear projection.
But if 93% of what we communicate comes from something other than words, it's time to reconsider how we truly connect with others.
Nonverbal Cues – shut up and listen Non-verbal communication is all those things that are silent, like body language, facial expressions, gestures, and posture and it turns out they are communication royalty.
It pains me to say that the following is too true to be comfortable. A conversation where you maintain eye contact, stand openly, and nod encouragingly versus one where you avoid eye contact, cross your arms, and turn away is awkwardly contrasting in effectiveness.
The former says “I’m here and vitally engaged”, while the latter says “Next please”.
Tone – what did you just say? Tone of voice, accounting for 38% of communication, is equally crucial. A single sentence can take on vastly different meanings depending on the tone used. Consider the phrase "I'm fine."
A phrase that carries massive freight. The words can mean one thing. The delivery parts can mean something way different. I recommend not getting this one wrong. EVER.
Getting the band back together Good harmonies can be one of the most beautiful and satisfying things in music. When everyone is on the same plane, playing their own part but in perfect unison.
I’m not suggesting we only communicate in barbershop quartet fashion. I’m just saying that harmonising words, tone and body language can be transformational.
Up your digital game When so much communication occurs on flat screens remotely now, we’ve all got to put even more focus on things other than words. We’ve all experienced it.
People not even looking towards the camera, clearly doing something else (apparently more interesting) and even having lunch during conversations. Just don’t.
People want to feel like they matter no matter how physically distant they are.
Game time Winston Churchill speaking about a situation difficult to comprehend said “It’s a riddle, wrapped in a mystery inside an enigma”. Well guess what? That’s what we’ve got right here.
Try this for a week and see what happens – put 7% of your effort into the words, 38% into your tone and 55% into body language and see if you find people getting you quicker and more enthusiastically.
Just don’t leave out the 7% or they’ll wonder who this strange mime artist is and what on earth they’re doing.