Two ears…

… one mouth.

I’m talking here about me, but I bet I might be talking about you too. I’ve been around a while and I’ve learned a lot of things. I’ve been in terribly sad and confronting personal situations and I’ve been in stressful and serious business situations. In both cases there have been life and death decisions to be made.

I don’t mean for this to be dramatic. It is just intended to illustrate that I have seen and done a lot and this inevitably leads to having a toolbox of tips, techniques and strategies to deal with almost any situation.

This is a good thing. Experience is to be treasured. But, it turns from help to hindrance when it becomes the only thing that get’s referenced.
I guess we’ve all walked into situations that immediately present themselves as some version of “I’ve seen all this before”. Now the reality is that no two situations are the same and trotting out a previously used response may make a difference but will it make “the” difference? Probably not.

I don’t believe support for businesses can be turned into a formula. No seven steps to success. Here’s what I’m promoting. Listen like a child. Train yourself with the discipline of withholding judgement, ask the questions that you mightn’t otherwise because they seem too simple and dumb.

Resist the urge to try and diagnose quickly. I think of it in terms of my marriage and the interesting lesson I think most husbands need to learn. My wife Nicki will periodically start talking to me about some problem she may be having either professionally or personally. I immediately go straight into problem solver mode, eager as a red setter puppy to provide her with the answer. The problem is, she isn’t asking me to tell her the answer.
She is engaging in a process where she talks out whatever it may be and my job is to listen. I can ask questions that might help reveal something and I can empathise, but by adopting the role of problem solver, I am depriving her of the very thing she wants, which is a sounding board.

Men tend to be a bit stupid like this. We want to rush headlong to the answer. But often the answer lies in the conversation. The questions, the exploration, the responses. The emotions that certain areas of inquiry can reveal. This is the gold.

So, we were designed with two ears and one mouth. We just need to learn how to use them in that same proportion. Next time you are about to fill the space with some wisdom, shut up and listen. You’ll be surprised what happens when you provide the space for others to speak.

If you call me, I promise to listen like a child.