24. Avoiding Over-Familiarity with Employees
How to maintain professional boundaries while being an approachable leader.
Imagine this - You’ve always maintained a professional relationship with your team, but lately, you notice a shift with one particular employee. Maybe it started with casual conversations that became more personal, inside jokes that only the two of you share, or lingering chats after meetings.
At first, it seemed harmless, but now you feel an increasing level of personal connection that goes beyond the typical manager-employee dynamic. You find yourself looking forward to your interactions with this team member more than others, giving them extra opportunities, or feeling defensive when others critique their work.
Even if nothing inappropriate has happened, the imbalance is noticeable—to you, to them, and possibly to your team.
HR psychology tells us that leaders naturally form closer bonds with some employees, but when a relationship crosses into personal or emotional territory, it can create -
Perceived favouritism – Other team members may feel excluded or unfairly treated.
Power imbalances – The employee may feel pressure to reciprocate the closeness.
Reputational damage – If left unaddressed, it can undermine leadership credibility.
Whether the closeness is emotional, social, or physical, SME leaders must course-correct quickly to prevent serious consequences for themselves, the employee, and the workplace culture.
The Solution – Re-establishing Professional Boundaries While Maintaining Respect
Managing a too-close relationship with a team member requires self-awareness, discipline, and a structured plan to regain professional balance. Here’s how to navigate the situation effectively and ethically.
1. Recognise the Boundary Violation Before It Escalates
HR research shows that many workplace relationships cross professional lines subtly and gradually. The first step is to acknowledge the shift before it becomes a bigger problem.
Signs that a relationship may be drifting into inappropriate territory -
You seek out interactions with this employee more than others.
Your conversations include personal details that go beyond standard work topics.
You find yourself defending their actions even when constructive feedback is warranted.
You feel awkward when discussing the relationship with others.
Catching this early allows you to course-correct before ethical and professional concerns arise.
2. Assess the Root Cause of the Closeness
Ask yourself -
Is this about personality fit, or is there an emotional connection forming?
Am I drawn to this person because of work-related admiration or personal attraction?
Would I behave the same way if they were of a different gender or background?
Self-reflection helps separate natural professional connections from personal entanglements.
3. Rebalance Your Interactions and Engagement
To restore professional neutrality, adjust how you engage with the employee -
Limit private, non-essential interactions. Avoid casual one-on-one conversations that go beyond work topics.
Ensure fairness in delegation. Ask yourself - Would I give the same opportunities to someone else?
Maintain consistency in tone and behaviour. If your dynamic is noticeably different from your interactions with others, adjust it.
Small but intentional changes signal a return to professional distance.
4. Strengthen Team-Wide Professionalism
If an employee senses they have a closer relationship with you than others, it can create an unhealthy power dynamic. To reinforce fairness and neutrality -
Encourage team-based decision-making instead of individual consults.
Increase your engagement with all team members equally.
Set clear boundaries around personal discussions—keep social talk to appropriate settings.
HR psychology shows that leaders who demonstrate fairness and consistency build stronger, more engaged teams.
5. Address the Employee (If Necessary) with Honesty and Professionalism
If the employee has also recognised the closeness, an open and professional conversation may be needed.
Keep the discussion factual and focused on maintaining professionalism.
Example - “I’ve noticed we’ve developed a closer working dynamic than others, and I want to make sure I’m being equally available to the whole team.”
Avoid placing blame or making it personal.
Clarify that your role as a leader requires professional consistency.
Handled properly, this resets expectations without making the situation awkward or damaging trust.
6. Put Safeguards in Place for Future Prevention
To ensure this doesn’t happen again, reinforce boundaries through -
Accountability partnerships – Trusted colleagues can help keep leadership behaviour in check.
Structured mentorship guidelines – If you mentor employees, set clear expectations for communication and interactions.
Formal policies on professional conduct – Establish and model clear boundaries for leader-employee relationships.
HR psychology confirms that leaders who proactively maintain professionalism build trust, respect, and credibility within their teams.
Reflective Scenario – What Would You Do?
You realise you’ve been spending more time with one employee than others, and your interactions have become increasingly personal. Other team members seem to notice the closeness, and you feel a shift in your objectivity toward this person.
Using the strategies above, you might -
Limit personal conversations and rebalance work interactions.
Ensure fairness in delegation and performance assessments.
If necessary, clarify professional expectations with the employee.
By taking proactive steps, you protect your leadership integrity, the employee’s professional standing, and overall team morale.
Golden Nugget - "Great leaders build strong relationships with their teams—but never at the cost of fairness, professionalism, or integrity."
By recognising early warning signs, rebalancing interactions, and maintaining clear professional boundaries, SME leaders can foster a healthy workplace while preserving leadership credibility.