We all make choices

We all get to make choices in life. Some people get to make more choices than others, but everyone gets to make some.

One of the choices that you always get to make is how you interact with others. For the most part, we just speak and act as comes naturally to us and don't give much thought to how that gets received.

Now, I consider myself to be a pretty effective communicator. I speak forthrightly, honestly and with as little spin or ambiguity as I can manage. I'm not an extrovert, but nor am I am introvert.

Don't like much small talk and prefer that conversations are of some "value" rather than passing the time of day. Having said that, over a cleansing beverage or two, I can talk as much nonsense as anyone else.

But, here's the point. The circumstances don't matter for the sake of this parable, but the salient point is that I voiced my feelings about a situation that had offended me in what I felt was a reasoned and robust way.

Here's where the problem lies. Communication is a bitch in this regard. I might smugly think I've delivered a clear and constructive message that will lead to a better outcome. The wrinkle in the tale is that quality communication is 10% what comes out of your mouth and 90% what goes into the ears of the recipient and how that gets processed.

In this instance, I was communicating with a person who something of an introvert and my style of delivery made it virtually impossible to get past the perceived attack and insult.

Guess how much of my actual message even made it into the category of "communication"? I'd give it a weak 8%. Who's the loser here? Well, we both are, but mostly me because in the eyes of the other party, I have put myself in the position of being legitimately perceived as one or more of the following - an oaf, a bully, a loudmouth, an ignoramus and an insensitive clod.

Am I any of those things? I don't think so, but I'm one perception amongst a potential 8 billion. There's an old adage that, in it's simplest form says "if three people call you a horse, buy yourself a saddle".

I don't want to buy a saddle. I want to reflect and grow from my mistakes and blunders. If there's a golden nugget to pull out of this for everyone, its this.

Being less concerned about your own self-regard and more focused on the impact we have on those around us is a potent way to become more effective in our personal, business and community relationships.

Having recognised that I have been at fault, I have reached out and apologised for my mis-step. The other party may respond or may not. The thing is, I owned it. The great lesson of life is that we cannot control what other people do or say. All we have agency over is how we behave and react in the world.

Sometimes life's lessons are hard, but each one is an opportunity to become a better human. Worth it? I reckon.